Monday, September 8, 2008


I landed on US soil Friday, the 29th. I have been "unpacking", processing and visiting friends. Its good but very weird to be back in the states. I have loved catching up with everyone and hearing what's new and what the Lord is doing in their lives. There are also a lot of hard things when you have come from a journey like this. A lot of people say why you were just gone for 3 months, but the Lord can do a lot in 3 months when He takes you away from all that is familiar. I will forever look back on this journey and see LIFE CHANGE.

On to the unpacking...what did I learn from this part of my journey?

-I learned that the Lord had to take me all the way out to Africa to restore my soul and self doubt. To quote Captivating "We cannot have intimacy with God or anyone else if we stay hidden and offer only who we think we ought to be or what we believe is wanted. God really does want you to know who you are. He wants you to be able to understand the story of your life, to know where you have come from, and to know where you are going."

-I learned about not living with an "agenda". I noticed that when I talk to people that I am always thinking about how they are perceiving what I am saying or I'm thinking about the next person I'm going to talk to or what I'm going to do next. Why can't I just sit there and really listen to that person and not worry about what is next. The person that is in front of me at that very moment is the most important person and nothing else matters, who cares if I miss something...the Lord has me in front of that person for His purpose at that very moment.

-Talking about agenda brings me to being on a journey. I am on a journey not constantly seeking the next thing. Journey brings trust in Him. If I am constantly thinking about what is next I miss that very thing right in front of me. Jesus knows our journey so is it really healthy to sit around and think about every next move? I even had my journey in Africa planned out before I left as to how I thought it would all go down. YEAH RIGHT. The Lord said yep you thought you were here just for the orphans...I'm going to put you in a house FULL of college girls and ROCK you. That He did...THANK YOU LORD. He knows me much better than I do :)

-I thought my gifting was in administration and the LORD broke me of that. I realized it was something I hid behind because I was scared to fully walk in my gifts. I know that seems strange why would you be scared of that...but I struggle with fear, fear of letting people down, of not being who I thought I was. I was broken of that daily. There is so much freedom found in that breaking.

-I found it very hard to be in worship this Sunday. I have seen the Lord first hand change lives and heal people. How can we not jump up and down excited about singing about our Jesus? It made me fear that people around me were sitting in a place of comfort because like me they feared in stepping out to be who Jesus is truly calling them to be. I never realized what a box and small story I lived in until I got outside of myself.

-It is a daily struggle for me to think about buying a car, getting a job and finding a place to live. Not because those things aren't good but I fear of walking back into my smaller story. I don't want this next journey to be about me, I want it to be about finding the identity that my Jesus has created for me. I feel like my story is very different and I don't want to settle for less. So my constant prayer is that I am continuing to hear Him amongst the noise and distractions of the states.

-I feel very called to minister to college age girls. That is when they are going through change, forming their identity outside of their parents and high school friends, and when they start to learn who they are created to be. I want to see college girls really start to find their giftings and to walk in them. Just think if they could recognize the God given authority that they about impacting the world!

There you go. These things that I learned in Africa are still things that I am learning. I covet your prayers...please continue to pray that I would continue to listen among the noise of the typical life of an American. Its not that I am coming down on America, well maybe I am :), but I just desire to continue to live outside of who I am supposed to be. I have experienced life change and I do not want to go back. I don't know what is next. I have applied for a job sort of working with college students. Honestly its a little hard for me to sit here in the states right now, so maybe an opportunity will come for me to go out again. If you have suggestions I welcome them.

Thank you for your support of my time over there. I hope to upload videos soon. I posted some albums on Facebook, here are the links:

1 comment:

mama teresa said...

hello Ber,
Wow i have missed you. I have to say after reading your blog , this is why Steve and i do what we do. Some days i'm not sure what that is but maybe it's helping young adults have the place for God to show them and release them into their destiny!! You are on your way girl!!!
Very proud of you and yes we too sit in a service and our hearts cry out, Lord do they know who you are?
Hope to see you next weekend.
Love mama T