Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I've had quite the emotional and unexpected journey since I wrote you last. I didn't mention it in my last post because well honestly I didn't think it was that big of a deal but since about September I've been dealing with a stress fracture that I got in my foot. I've been in a boot all this time and have been on and off crutches for quite some time. The reality is my foot is just not healing. All this time I have had this weird feeling that something is just not right...for someone that is really taking care of their injury it should heal in about 6 wks., its been about 6 months. So I was sitting with my doctors last Thursday and they said you know this can't be what it is but lets get your bone density checked for osteoporosis. We are all thinking you know that would be crazy, thats what older women have why would a 27 yr. old have it. Well I received the call from one of my docs on Monday that I did have it, he was obviously as shocked as I was. So now we could take a couple of months for me to even get in to see an Endocrinologist. I am going to go to our family doc just to get some test run so that I am doing all I can do right now until I can see the endocrinologist. This is not the end of the world but it is definitely something that I need prayer for as I walk through. I mean if I had not had the fracture how would I have known. It could be too that after we get the lab work done that we figure out it is actually something else.

It has been extremely hard to be in this holding pattern for the past couple of months. To know that no one really understands the struggles I've had and how this has affected me. My mom and I sat down and did the Lords Supper tonight and she spoke truth over me. The Lord had been leading her to Jer. 29:11. The funny thing is the entire time I was in Africa the Lord kept leading me to Jer. 29:10-14. For me it was the Lord sending me back to the states. I've had lots of questions since being back...why am I still in Birmingham, why am I injured and not able go and do like I thought I would, why am I not able to get a job where I can grow and continue to be molded. I don't like admitting that I have those questions and haven't trusted more...I'm working through that. I know the Lord is continuing to mold my story, crazy stuff like this does not happen for no reason.

My friends told me about a blog yesterday that has sent me to my knees today. I don't know this girl but its you know a friend of a friend of a friend. The address is I haven't gotten to the whole story, there are lots of blogs ha but from what I've read it looks like she is in Uganda fostering orphans. This is the real deal...I can truly feel the Lords presence just from reading her blog entries. The Lord spoke to me so clearly in reading her entry from today of just saying I AM working and I AM faithful and just be still, know that I AM.

I loved what she wrote in one of her entries in which she was addressing some questions that her readers had:
"As a young single woman, don't you think living in Africa is dangerous? Are you afraid?"
I am more afraid of America. Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but to fear things that can destroy the soul. I can literally feel my soul suffocating in the safety of Brentwood and all it's numbness, complacency and comfort. Scary.

While that may have been a blunt way of putting it, I know what she means. I very much so struggle with the fear of becoming numb and complacent. Don't get me wrong I love Birmingham and the community I have here but I just fear that it is too comfortable for me and therefor I often feel very uneasy here. So that is where I have to sit in the Lords presence because its easy for me to get discouraged now knowing that there is something wrong which means medical bills and being here until I can get healing and released to GO and do. I also know that I need a job with full time benefits...I have to get past the feeling of being trapped and just know that it is a need that I have right now. I know that HE will provide the finances I need to get through this, HE always has.

I'm really not sure anyone is reading this anymore but that is totally fine, it is an outlet for me to get my thoughts out. If you do happen to read this I ask for prayer, prayer and more prayer. The last thing I want is the devil to creep in as I walk through this journey, please join me in praying against that.

I hope that you feel the LORDS presence today...there is nothing sweeter.